- Andrew Scott Bassett
Halloween 2020, spooky for the wrong reasons!
Welcome to Halloween in the year of Covid-19. Remember the good old days when we wore masks because they were part of our costume and not to prevent flying viruses from killing us? Yeah, me too. For the homeowners' brave enough and the parents unafraid, maybe we can have some 'safe' trick or treating. Safety will be the key word for this year's Halloween, if there is one to speak of. Safety during trick or treating usually means checking the candy for razor blades, but not now. In the year of Covid, it takes on a whole new meaning. The little vampires, witches and superheros will now have to be safely spaced apart. And it doesn't matter if your costume character wears a mask or not. He or she does this year. All this makes me think back to simpler days when the most important thing was to have a unique and cool costume.
When most kids' parents didn't just run down to Walmart, Target or some other mass merchandiser like that. They didn't have to buy their kids a costume off of a rack that a thousand other children would be donning later that night. I certainly do. I also remember when parents put effort into the homemade outfits that they fashioned for their kids so they would look 'awesome' and stand out from the rest of the candy munchers out there. But that's where we are today it seems for the most part. You have two categories: costumes bought off of the assembly line at your local big box; or weak, uninspired homemade efforts that show how unimaginative parents are, or maybe how tired after working two jobs to make ends meet. There are of course exceptions to all this, but not many. Now, I often open my front door to a mass of Power Rangers, Dracula's, Teenage Ninja Turtles and Harry Potters. On the other side are the do-it-your-self costumes that should never be. If someone has to guess what your costume is, then you have failed. No, back in my day, you know the good old days that people over forty always talk about, it was all about being unique. In the small town that I grew up in you often bumped into your school friends or neighbor kids when you hit the streets for trick or treating. The last thing you wanted was to be seen with the same outfit as someone else. My mom and I would consider and plan for two to three weeks before the big day what I would wear. My dad wasn't part of this even when he was around. Dads just handed moms cash and said take care of business. But for moms, this was a big deal. They were almost like pageant moms during Halloween. The better we looked, the better they looked. And in those days, if you had a homemade costume, it was done right. Moms would paint your face, your nails, color your hair, apply the phony blood, even add scars or moles when needed. It was like you were prepping for a new movie role in the latest big-budget horror film. In those days, no one asked what you were supposed to be.
One of my greatest Halloween memories from my childhood has to do with a homemade costume that was created by my big brother and one of his best friends, Rick. They got the crazy idea to go drag. I'm talkin' wigs, padded bras, make-up, lipstick and tweed skirts. They were two of the ugliest girls you would ever see and to me, easy to spot as impostors. This was a sure risk to take on as well. In our small town, the only person in drag anyone had ever seen was Corporal Klinger from M.A.S.H. Not to mention, that these were the days when people still knew their neighbor by both face and name. I figured there was no chance that Glenn and Rick wouldn't both be spotted at every door they knocked on. No one in our neighborhood would ever think these two were girls, I was confidant. Glenn was my older brother and about sevens years my superior. He was a high schooler at the time. I was ten or eleven and begged my mom to let us follow behind Glenn and Rick as they made their way around our neighborhood. Mom relented and said yes. I think she wanted to see our neighbors laugh hysterically when they saw my brother and his friend just as much as I did. It pretty much went as planned. Our neighbors quickly figured out the ruse and belly-laughed at the sight of Glenn and Rick looking like homely step-sisters. But what made this so memorable a night was the one neighbor who didn't see through their costumes. She was one of our closest friends on the street. She was actually more a family member than a friend. Her kids were best friends with my older brother and sister, and she often baby-sat me for my parents. So for sure, she would recognize my brother and his buddy when they pounded on her door, right? She didn't have a clue. I guess she just thought that these were just two strange teenage girls, too lazy to dress up for Halloween, just trying to take care of their sugar fix. My mom and I were right behind Glenn and Rick as they conversed with our dear friend on her doorstep. Mom and I were cracking up. My brother and his mate must have talked with her for ten minutes, disguising their voices the best they could, as she had no idea. Finally, my brother came clean and pulled off his wig. His friend Rick did the same thing. Our lady friend was stunned. Fortunately for us, she had a great sense of humor and she joined in on the joke. We all just stood there laughing so hard that our sides hurt. The candy we got that night was just the icing on the cake. That Halloween had what every holiday needs to have to make it special and memorable, fun, family, and shared moments that you will never forget. Those were the days alright.
Let's celebrate with some really BAD HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!! These are so wrong in so many ways!
YES, I NOW PROMISE I WILL NOT DRINK TO MANY SUGARY DRINKS!
HERE'S ONE THAT IS CREATIVE, BUT TACKY AT THE SAME TIME
OKAY, I HAVE KNOW IDEA WHAT THIS IS?!
NO WORDS, EXCEPT REALLY REALLY BAD!
HEATH LEDGER IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE AND SAYING PLEASE NO, PLEASE NO!!
IS THIS HIS PARENTS WAY OF SAYING HE WASN'T WANTED
AND WE HAVE A WINNER!!
AND NOW FOR THE LAST TIME, NEVER DRESS ANYBODY UP AS HITLER! HE IS A CUTE LITTLE NAZI THOUGH!
AND FINALLY HOW COULD WE LEAVE OUT THE STAR OF THIS YEARS COSTUME SHOW, COVID-19
AND NOW THE TOP 25 HALLOWEEN CANDIES IN AMERICA
#25. MILK DUDS #21. LEMONHEADS #17. TWIX
#24. LIFESAVERS #20. BLOW POPS #16. SWEDISH FISH...REALLY?
#23. ALMOND JOY #19. DUBBLE BUBBLE GUM #15. MILKY WAY
#22. 3 MUSKETEERS BAR #18. KIT KAT #14. HERSHEY'S MINI BARS
#13. TAFFY...REALLY AGAIN, HUH? #12. BUTTERFINGER...SHOULD BE HIGHER, JUST SAYIN'
#11. JOLLY RANCHERS
AND NOW YOUR TOP TEN!!
#10. HERSHEY KISSES...ALSO BIG ON VALENTINES DAY
#9. SOUR PATCH KIDS... HEAD SCRATCHER
#8. TOOTSIE POPS... HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT REALLY TAKE?
#7. HOT TAMALES...SPICY GOOD
#6. CANDY CORN...COME ON NOW, REALLY? YUCK!
#5. STARBURST...HARD TO ARGUE
#4. SNICKERS... I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE #1
#3. M&M'S...ALSO CANDIDATE FOR TOP SPOT
#2. REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUP...EVEN THEIR PACKAGING IS THE RIGHT COLOR
#1. SKITTLES...HOW CAN THIS BE #1 WHEN IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE CHOCOLATE, OH WELL!
Happy Candy Day Everyone, I Hope It Is Sweet, See What I Did There
Till Next Time, A Few Weeks To Be Exact
Keep Fishing For Something Better Out Of Life
Your Life Fisherman!
Andrew Scott Bassett